The Biggest Mistakes Older Men Make on Dating Apps
BY KAYLA KIBBE @KAY_KIBBE
Regardless, times have changed, and while dating apps may not exactly be within your comfort zone, I commend you for being on them. That said, as a non-dating-app native, it’s possible you’ve made a misstep or two along the way. Don’t worry, younger guys have their own unique app dating faux pas, while dating app users of all genders and ages are prone to many bad habits that have simply become an inevitable part of dating app culture.
In fact, as an older guy who may have missed the mainstream onset of the online dating age, you’re actually in a pretty good spot. Not only are you not to blame for the Millennial-made mess that is dating app culture today, but you also can’t reasonably be expected to know all the rules. As someone who entered adulthood just as dating apps were hitting their mid-2010s peak, however, I flatter myself someone who has not only memorized the rules, but even makes a few of them. Having spent the past few years of my online dating career swiping largely on men in their 40s, 50s and up, I like to think I have a bit of wisdom to share with the older gents, DILFs and silver foxes of the online dating pool. For your edification, behold: the most common mistakes I see among older guys on dating apps.
Lying about your age
As a woman living in a highly ageist, misogynistic society — one that is often ageist specifically in misogynistic ways — I can certainly understand the impulse to lie about your age. But as a man, you’re on the side that benefits from all that sexist ageism. Some may say check your privilege, I say you might as well use it. I’ll admit that men aren’t immune from ageism forever — it comes for us all eventually, unless of course you happen to be running for President of the United States of America, in which case being on death’s doorstep seems to be a job requirement. But suffice to say, society treats middle-aged men much better than it does middle-aged women, particularly when it comes to assessments of sexual market value. In fact, many might consider you, middle-aged man, to be in you prime.
All this to say that there’s no need to lie about your age on a dating app. Beyond society’s more lenient attitudes toward male aging, there’s another, more logistical reason you need never lie about your age on a dating app: dating apps come with age filters, which means that anyone who’s seeing your profile is seeing your profile specifically because they are interested in men your age. While I’ve noticed men around certain milestone ages — say 40, 50, 60 — tend to age themselves down a year or two so as to not get cut off by women who draw line at a certain decade, here’s the thing: a woman who doesn’t want to date a man over a certain age definitely doesn’t want to date a man over a certain age who is also a liar. I promise you there are plenty of women on the internet who do want to date someone your age, so just focus on them.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: selfies should not be on dating apps. It’s a bad look regardless of age or gender, but older men, specifically, are notoriously bad at taking them.