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Sitting on the Fence in a Relationship Is Easy – but Here’s Why It’s More Dangerous Than You Think

~ MARCH 2022 ~

Fence sitting in a relationship is, unfortunately, very easy. But if you stay on the fence about your relationship for too long, you may be doing more harm than you realize.

For one thing, fence-sitting means that you and your partner avoid confronting important things in your relationship.

“I think deep down, my boyfriend and I could feel that something was wrong,” says Louisa. “We’d even talk about things sometimes – but we never actually decided what to do about it. For me, it kind of felt too scary.”

Falling into this pattern is, according to Roberts, unhealthy and unfair to both you and your partner. “When we avoid confrontation around a meaningful topic, we are not taking care of our own needs – we’re responding from a place of fear and avoidance, not inner strength and confidence,” she says. “Over time, if we avoid a confrontation and the situation affects our wellbeing, we can become resentful and even depressed.”

“If a relationship has fatal incompatibility issues, surfacing those sooner rather than later helps you to not become too attached too soon to an illusion of compatibility,” adds Worthy.

Avoiding decisions in your relationship can also be unfair to both you and your partner. After all, staying in a fence-sitting relationship means that neither of you are available to meet someone who might be better suited as a long-term partner.

A version of this article originally appeared here on

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