From start to er finish
Article By Staff Reporter
~ SEPTEMBER 2022 ~
If you clicked this, you probably want a cold, hard (actually let’s go with warm, hard) number on exactly how long sex should last.
So just to be clear up front, science can’t even give us that. 2005 study surveyed 500 heterosexual couples and found that the average act of “intravaginal ejaculation latency time” lasted from 33 seconds to 44 minutes.
That’s the length of a pee versus an entire episode of Mr. Robot. With such a wide range, how the hell is anyone supposed to know how long to have sex for?
What We Talk About When We Talk About Intravaginal Ejaculation Latency Time
What is sex, anyways? The study above defines sex as the time between when the P goes into the V until the moment you come (which makes “44 minutes” even more remarkable).
That makes sense for simplicity’s sake, but it’s a pretty narrow definition. Are we having sex in the 1950s? Are we in a sex ed class meant to teach us that intercourse is between a married man and woman and is for the strict purpose of creating lil’ prude rugrats? We are not, so that is not a definition of sex you should be using.
There are also a ton of dudes out there for whom “sex” begins when they stick it in. Once they come, they roll over to selfishly enjoy the bliss that is a post-orgasm slumber.
As a bisexual woman, it took me sleeping with women to truly appreciate this: If you’re in bed (or the bathroom of a karaoke bar) with another person (or several!) touching, kissing, or penetrating one another with the goal of erotic pleasure, then it’s sex.
If you’ve been a tad dick-centric in your definition of sex, and are looking to make sex last longer, then read on, grasshopper. I’ll teach you.
Make 45 Minutes Your Goal
In my opinion, as a sex writer and haver, you should make 45 minutes your goal—one minute longer than the farthest reaches of the aforementioned study. It’s fine if you don’t get there every time.
My goal is to work out every day, but I understand deep inside myself that that means “on the weekend” and “during the week when I’m not totally exhausted/would rather eat nachos.”
If you’re in a long-term relationship, sometimes even making time for any sex at all is a feat worth bragging rights, so don’t be too hard on yourself. By making 45 minutes a goal, you’ll at least be aware of the importance of making everything last longer.
Think of something else that takes you 45 minutes—your workout, for example—and use that as a reference. (Except that in sex, unlike your workout, the warm-up should last a lot longer than the main event.)
But Don’t Forget Your Real Goal
You will have a lot more sex, and it will last longer if you repeat this mantra to yourself: Ladies come first.
You don’t always have to shoot for 45 minutes—as anyone who has squeezed in sex in the morning before work with 15 minutes until your train leaves can attest, quickies are hot—but you should always prioritize your lady.
Act like high schoolers, make out for a while! (And while we’re on the subject of high school, utilize finger banging. It’s hot and awesome.)
Women typically take longer to get off than men, so if you get your girl off first, then focus on your orgasm, not only will she brag to your friends about you, but enjoying sex that lasts longer will be easy as pie.