If you want to improve your love life then you need to give these New Years resolutions a go for 2023. From getting to know yourself to going back to school, here’s what the experts recommend
Article By Jaymelouise Hudspith
~ JANUARY 2023 ~
The New Year is here which means it’s time to make your resolutions – why not make a sex-positive change in 2023?
Sex is all about having fun and feeling good so there shouldn’t be any shame around that.
But if you don’t know what you want or how to ask for it, then you’re stuck.
Anna Hushlak from Ferly, an audio guide to mindful sex, shared her top resolutions for people to try in the New Year.
1. Get comfortable talking about sex
You need to be able to have an open and honest conversation about your wants and needs without feeling ashamed or embarrassed.
“There is so much misinformation, shame, and stigma around sex, that it can be hard to cut through the noise,” says Anna.
“Practice saying ‘yes, no, maybe’ in non-sexual environments,” Anna suggests. “Say a friend invites you for coffee and you don’t feel up for it. The more comfortable you can be asserting yourself in ‘lower risk’ environments, the more confident you’ll feel stating your terms in ones that feel more exposed.
“It also includes the things you might want to try, the things that are absolute nos, and everything in between.”
“This can be a great communication exercise to do for yourself – so you actually are aware of what your likes and dislikes are. You can also share with a partner as it makes communicating much more conversational! When it comes down to, talking about sex really doesn’t have to be that big of a thing.
“Talking about sex really doesn’t have to be that big of a thing.”
2. Revisit your sex education
Anna says: “A lot of Sex Ed takes a ‘fear-based’ approach to education and focuses on the ‘don’ts’, i.e. don’t get pregnant, don’t get an STI, don’t have sex.
“It also tends to highlight menstruation and reproduction while leaving out topics like pleasure, intimacy, and communication. There is also little to no discussion of alternative relationship styles like non-monogamy or singledom and very little emphasis on LGTBQIA+ communities.”
“Sex education treats our lives like they’re static, that doesn’t take into account all the various ebbs and flows we go through and how that influences our relationship to sex.
“Stress, anxiety, health, long-term relationships, breakups, pregnancy, miscarriage, abortion, sexual violence, parenthood, menopause, loss – all of these can profoundly influence our libido,” she continues. “Yet sex remains a topic we cover once and then never really come back to ever again.”
3. Get to know yourself
If you don’t know what you like then how are you meant to tell your partner what you do and don’t enjoy during a romp?
“Sex starts with self. Getting comfortable with what you like, dislike, sometimes like – and under what context is critical, not only for pleasure but also for tackling issues around boundary-setting and consent,” Anna says.
“Getting to know our bodies is critical if we want to tackle the pleasure gap and empower woman to have sex that is pleasurable, confident and healthy.”
4. Be in the know about contraception
No method is 100% effective so you need to sure you’re taking the right precautions and ones that work for you.
The most effective method is an IUD, a small T-shaped device made of plastic and copper that is inserted into your uterus.
It can be used as long-term contraception or as an emergency method if inserted within five days of sex.
A version of this article originally appeared here on dailystar.co.uk