~ SEPTEMBER 2022 ~
For obvious reasons, please don’t read this post if you are easily offended by frank discussions of male sexuality. This review is intended for adults, and readers under the age of 18 should click away.
Hey, mom and dad. Maybe just don’t read this one. Thank you.
So, you read that headline, and it’s true: I tested a $300 product that promises to accurately mimic the sensation of fellatio. For work. You might say my job doesn’t blow
The Autoblow is a plug-in-the-wall male masturbator with a brain. Think of it as a Fleshlight on steroids. This blowjob machine easily stands as one of the weirdest sex toys I’ve ever come across while simultaneously also being one of the best sex toys I’ve ever seen, solely due to the fact it exists.
Once I learned about the Autoblow, I knew I had to test it. My curiosity was piqued. Why does it exist? Who would spend $300 for regular robot BJs? Does it actually feel like a real mouth? Is incel culture taking over? The public has a right to know!
If you aren’t familiar with the Autoblow, it’s a blowjob simulator sex toy that’s promoted with clickbait ads on many popular adult tube websites. This is actually a fast-growing category in the world of men’s sex toys, but I’m not the only one skeptical about the experience.
So I tested one. And boy, were my questions answered. Find everything you need to know about the world’s most high-tech male masturbator now.
Autoblow Review: Features
The Autoblow has more than 25 features that allow a customized experience. There are 10 different lights on the side of the device controlled by two buttons. These provide a range of patterns, from a top-to-bottom stroke to teasing methods for heightened pleasure and intense edging options to make your toes curl. Each unit is complete with a customizable penis gripper that helps replicate the blowjob experience. Users can also choose to change the sleeve if they desire.
Unlike a lot of today’s sex toys, it doesn’t use a battery. Instead, you plug the Autoblow into an outlet and begin your journey. And before you, too, start imagining being found dead from electrocution with an AI blowjob machine in your lap, Autoblow claims this design is safer than safe. And hey — I lived.
Autoblow Blowjob Machine Review: Design
The Autoblow is heavy. This is a machine that will wear out your hands and arms, so you’ll need to get more creative for a session with it. As in, you’ll want to lay on the bed or a ledge so you can stand while the Autoblow works its magic. It’ll take some DIY to figure out the right height, but then you’re golden.
The motor on the Autoblow is also loud. Goodbye, discretion! If you have roommates, pump up the music in your bedroom before turning this baby on. The noise is also super hard to muffle with a pillow. Trust me.
The sleeve of the Autoblow is easy to clean but not the easiest. The majority of non-electric male masturbators have two holes so that if you do ejaculate in the device, cleaning is a breeze. Because the Autoblow is electric, there is no hole on the opposite end of the silicone “sock.” When cleaning, you’ll fill it with soap and water and dump it down the drain until the water runs clear. Personally, I hang-dry the sock overnight so any excess water can drip out.
And then there’s the silicone sock itself. Which is shaped like a human mouth. Some may find it daunting at first, but like so much of sex, you adjust and move forward.
Does the Autoblow Feel Like a Real Blowjob?
No. It does not. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not pleasant.
The best part about the actual experience of getting head is the human element. What’s coming next? What’s their skill set? And though the Autoblow is built with artificial intelligence, it’s not a human. It uses patterns to get the job done, and that doesn’t leave room for surprises. It initially feels like a blowjob, but then it quickly becomes robotic. Despite its appearance, nothing about the experience felt like a human mouth.
Should You Buy the Autoblow?
If the Autoblow was more affordable, I would say add it to your cart. But it’s $300, and that’s a lot of money for a tricked-out male masturbator. If you don’t find yourself as sexually active as you’d like, maybe this is a nice alternative to some of the other male sex toys you’ve been using. But to reiterate, the Autoblow doesn’t feel like a blowjob; it just feels good.
So is the Autoblow worth it? That depends on how much you’d miss $300. Personally, I wouldn’t buy this product, and so this purchase is entirely up to you if you want a wild sexual experience from a high-tech sex toy.
A version of this article originally appeared here on spy.com