Relationship Coach Shan Boodram’s New Podcast ‘Hung Up’ Helps People Find Closure And Get Over An Ex
~ JULY 2022 ~
Finding closure isn’t always easy, especially when the reason behind the breakup is multilayered, a little messy, or even psychological.
Maybe you left the relationship with burning questions like, “Is this my soulmate? Should we have tried harder? Do they still love me?” Whatever the case, there are plenty of reasons to be “hung up” on an ex.
To help provide insight into this dating dilemma and ways to move forward, Headspace Studios, the multi-platform content studio within Headspace, recently launched its new episodic podcast series, Hung Up with Shan Boodram.
Hosted by the certified sexologist and relationship coach, the series helps guests understand the “why” behind their emotional hang-ups and get the tools they need to move on with their lives.
“The show is about people who have tried to find closure on their own accord, but have been unsuccessful and need some help with it,” Boodram tells ESSENCE. “I think it’s really illuminating for people to see that this is something that can be very difficult and if you need some help, that’s okay.”
Throughout the on-air sessions, Boodram gives her expert advice, counseling those seeking answers to love’s toughest questions. For ESSENCE, the intimacy coach shared some gems. They include ways to spot a love bomber, tips on how to gain the mental willpower to get over an ex, and more.
ESSENCE: When it comes to getting over an ex, how much of it is mental, and what percentage of it is personal willpower?
Shan Boodram: I would say that a lot of people think closure is a solo sport and it’s not. To really understand [closure], we often need perspectives outside of ourselves, and this is something that we explore in Hung Up. Sometimes we encourage people to go back to their exes, other times, it’s a family member that they need permission from to let go of the past.
Closure is definitely 60 to 70 percent solo work — it’s putting yourself through the rigorous process of untangling yourself from someone else mentally. It’s also inviting outside perspectives that allow you to see the relationship for what it really was, in a way that is very difficult to do completely alone.
ESSENCE: The term “love bombing” has been floating around lately and I’m curious about it. What are some tell-tale signs that you might be getting love bombed?
Boodram: Reflect on if someone’s attention, praise, and devotion to you are logical, gradual and mutual.
Logical: I just met this person, how is it that they know that I’m their forever person already? Mutual: They’re offering to buy me all these things and I haven’t made any investments in them. Gradual: We just started dating a week ago and already they’re asking to see me every single day and canceling plans for me. Those are the things you should be suspicious about to find out whether that person is a love bomber or someone who’s anxiously attached.
Love bombing is very romanticized in media, but it’s actually not the healthiest way to build a successful, meaningful connection with someone. There’s nothing wrong with slowing things down. If this truly is your person, there’s no real advantage to allowing yourself to get swept up in romances that are not logical, mutual or gradual.
A version of this article originally appeared here on essence.com