~ October 2021 ~
Sex. What an issue.
And sex and love? Where do we begin?
Two ideas people are often afraid to talk honestly about and two topics often intertwined.
Who gets to define the parameters of a relationship?
It’s 2021 y’all! Love and sex is not defined by the communion of just two people.
Unless that’s what those two people want. But monogamy isn’t for everyone and open relationships aren’t always a bad idea.
Redditor Flan_Apart wanted to hear all the saucy deets and beliefs, so they asked:
What’s your opinion on an open relationship?
The heart and the libido want what they want.
That’s all ok.
I am for whatever works for anyone.
“If either person has to be convinced to open the relationship up, it will be an unmitigated freaking disaster in practice.” ~ HumanMagpie
“My ex broke up with me because he wanted an open relationship/go poly because he lost his feelings for me already and needed something to ignite it, he even used his dad’s illness as an excuse.”
“It’s not for me.. being in a monogamous relationship is already stressful enough. I want to feel safe with someone.” ~ RelChan2_0
“Oh man… some friends who are a couple both wanted it. Not sure how long they had been doing it, but poop hit the fan when she started hooking up with another friend in our group.”
“He couldn’t deal with the jealousy. So then he basically ‘left the group’, don’t see him much anymore but he’s got a new gf and things seem ok.”
“She carried him as baggage for a longtime, still does I think. She becomes bitter whenever we bring him up in a convo so we generally just try to avoid ever mentioning him.”
“This is just one example, my experience as a ‘witness’.”
“I’m sure it can work for some people but it’s not for everyone.”
“Jealousy is a natural human emotion, instinctual really… so I would say, just make sure you are not too much of a jealous person.”
“Edit: the were a couple, they are no longer together.” ~ guitar_collector
“The problem is logistical.”
“It’s great to say ‘I’m free to go sleep with other people’, but it’s entirely different to actually try, as a married man, to go out and hook up with someone.”
“There’s concerns about being ‘caught’ by people you know (it’s funny, I’m actually more okay with telling people I’m bi, than poly).”
“There’s logistics of not being able to bring them back to my place. And then there’s the just straight up awkwardness of having to start your hookup with ‘so I’m actually married, but it’s okay’.”
“I’ve basically determined that the only time I’ll successfully be able to pull it off is when I’m traveling for work.” ~ clappingmonkey101
“I think people all see sex differently.”
“Some people don’t like it as much and as often as others. Some people think sex is meaningless, some think it’s the most meaningful.”
“I think it’s whatever works for that particular couple.” ~ cremebruleeormeth
Mhmmmm…. you have to speak truth.
You have to say what you mean.
As much as we want to be free, we also have to be responsible.
“Not for me.”
Too much work.”
“I know/knew four couples in open relationships.”
“Two eventually imploded after people got jealous, one split after one of them decided a partner was a better relationship.”
“The last is okay, but my impression is the relationship is more like a safe space, than a place they love.” ~ Pufflenumbers
Just Say No
“One of my exes did this once, like two weeks after our one year anniversary to boot, and it understandably tore me apart.”
“I felt more or less coerced into saying yes, because if I said no I knew it’d be all I would think about from then on when we weren’t together, and it just felt like it’d be easier to forgive her if we were both doing it.”
“Boy, that didn’t work. It was bad enough with her being at college while I was stuck in my tiny hometown of less than 3,000 people in the dead of winter.”
“But what made it worse was she changed the rules a few weeks in and exclusively started visiting guy friends or exes she never went all the way with (She was a virgin before me). And I didn’t even enjoy myself when I was with other women.”
“There are a lot more gory details, but that alone was grounds for me no longer trusting her like I used to, which permanently damaged our relationship.”
“It’s one of those Pandora’s Box situations; A super damaging thing that you can’t take back even if you put the lid back on.”
“That messed me up for a long time, I didn’t even feel like seriously dating for a year after we broke up.” ~ ImmortalGoat66
“My brother has been in a open relationship with his current girlfriend for years now and for the most part they make it work and it works to fill their needs. That being said, I know personally it wouldn’t work for me.”
“I definitely am a monogamist because I need the stability and familiarity of my wife because she knows me better than anyone else. I am not a social person and as a result, the circle of people I consider friends and/or family is a very exclusive club.”
“Different strokes for different folks.” ~ Digitalon
I really enjoyed it…
“So I dated a poly woman. I really enjoyed it. It was perfect, I was basically a side chick while I was in University and didn’t have time for a monogamous relationship it was great.”
“Also she was hands down the best girlfriend I ever had. Super supportive, super fun, super funny and bonus she is absolutely freaking gorgeous both physically as well as emotionally.”
“We’re still really good friends to this day. That all being said, when it comes to settling down, I don’t think it’s the lifestyle for me.”
“But I 100% support any couple it works for.” ~ Thoushaltdenycheese
Good for You!
“If it works for them, then more power to those people.”
“I wouldn’t do it.”
“I’m into being monogamous in relationships. If I wanted to sleep with other people I’d be single.” ~ mumblestheword
This isn’t for everybody, and that is ok.
But what have we learned? Communication is EVERYTHING!