Article By Koh Mochizuki
~ FEBRUARY 2022 ~
There’s a time and place for things. Generally speaking, that’s a valid sentiment.
However, when it comes to giving your sex life a boost, spontaneously getting your groove on at any given time or place–other than in a bedroom–can be passionate.
Making love in the shower can be hot and also convenient after climax. Getting busy inside your boss’ office after hours can be risky but highly erotic. And there’s always the mile-high club for those unconcerned about being claustrophobic.
While some like to think there’s no limit to having discreet sex anywhere, others believe there are places that should be off-limits.
Curious to hear where those are, Redditor scriptdog1 asked:
“Where should you never have sex?”
There are safety concerns.
Pounding The Pavement
“in the middle of the streets at 2pm?”
Doesn’t Get Any Dirtier
“In a dumpster.”
“The one behind the Wendy’s?”
“In a horror movie. You’re #2-3 to die.”
“Exactly, there’s a very simple formula for surviving a horror movie.”
- “Don’t have sex.”
- “Don’t do drugs.”
- “Don’t say, ‘I’ll be right back.'”
You Gotta Hear This One
“In the ear.”
There Will Be Blood
“On a roof.”
“Shingles are not good wingmen. They will cut you the f’k up.”
“At a psychiatric hospital. Two students from my med school just got expelled for being THAT horny.”
“Chief of police in my town got fired for having sex in the township court room… so…there.”
Waking The Dead
“Twice removed Sheriff of my county was dismissed for having sex in a graveyard with a realtor. That’s a pretty good place not to too.”
It seems hot on paper but disappoints in execution.
Going Nowhere Fast
“A rowing boat. I promise, it is not romantic.”
“Even if you go gently….down the stream?”
It May Look Hot…
“Sandy beach without a blanket.”
“Oh the friction. Yeah, don’t do that.”
In Space, Nobody Can Hear You Orgasm
“Space station, spheres of juices floating around could be a problem.”
It’s All Relative
“My Aunt Joan’s house when you’re visiting. 25 years and it’s still not forgotten.”
“No I did not have sex with my Aunt Joan. I had sex with my ex. wife in Aunt Joan’s house while taking a nap.”
“My ex and I were visiting elderly out of state relatives. We all ran around a lot in the summer heat one day and so we all decided to rest for a couple of hours.”
“Ex and I closed the door, climbed into the guest bed and went at it quietly though not quiet enough it would seem. They had elbow to elbow figurines on every flat surface of their house except for their dining room table (Not exaggerating; over every square inch). That included the bed side tables. I suspect the rattling little bedside figurines gave us away.”
“When we came out of the room later they acted strange particularly my Aunt Joan. It was very awkward. You could tell they knew. They acted that way for the next three days. We’d be at a bbq place eating together and the looks on their faces said it all: ‘You had sex in our guest room.’”
“We never got another invite to their house for a vacation.”
“In a bed where somebody just ate crackers.”
I may or may not have engaged in an intimately sensual act while inside a car.
But if I were to impart wisdom based on whether or not I had this experience, I would suggest the safest way to do the deed in the driver’s seat is while the vehicle is parked–not when it’s cruising over 55 mph.
As you were.
A version of this article originally appeared here on georgetakei.com