In The Meantime: 5 Ways To Become Sexually Healthy Between Relationships
~ MAY 2022 ~
Being a woman or a man and waiting for that special someone to share your sex life with can be a challenging yet fulfilling process, but rarely does one think about how the time in wait can be spent in developing sexually and maintaining sexual health.
According to the World Health Organization, sexual health is defined as “a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity” (WHO, 2006). If you’re waiting for your Mrs. Right or Mr. Right, here are five healthy practices you can put into use while waiting to open up sexually with your desired mate.
1. Define your views about sexuality.
Our opinions in life are heavily shaped by outside influences whether by media, teachings from respected leaders, personal experiences or living vicariously through the stories of others. We take on so many different opinions about sexuality based on what we see, hear and experience, but rarely do we take the time to determine what truly registers as authentic to our sexual desires.
While you are in wait for that special someone, take the time to go within yourself to find out what truly attracts you sexually. It’s okay to do so. If you never take the time to determine what turns you on and gets you hot, then the path to enjoyable sex can become frustrating.
Spend time with yourself making lists about what gets you to a point of sexual interest. I suggest that you begin a journal to put all of these thoughts in. Recent studies published by Psychology Today suggest that writing out your feelings is a healthy way to deal with stress and pent-up frustration. If you see something in passing or hear something in conversation that makes you feel hot, write it down.
Also, determine how you feel about viewing yourself sexually and how you view certain sexual acts. Is group sex appealing to you? Do you have a kinky side? What does being sexual mean to you? Whatever you discover, don’t feel ashamed to write down the complete truth in your journal; because if you can’t be honest with yourself about your views on sexuality, then you won’t be able to be honest and truly intimate with your future partner.
2. Explore your body.
Abstaining from sex doesn’t mean your body completely shuts down from being sexually responsive. While saving the full body-to-body experience for that special someone, use the spikes in your sexual energy as moments to explore your body. Use your hands to touch your erogenous zones (neck, chest, genitals, thighs, buttocks) and observe how your body changes as you touch yourself. This activity isn’t just for women either. Women respond primarily to touch whereas men are more turned on by visuals, but touch is just as important for men.
An easy and relaxing way to do this without feeling awkward is in a bath. It’s the only time you truly give yourself permission to relax. This is a great activity for women to use to get in touch with their sensual sides, and studies have shown that most women have their first orgasm experiences during bath time. It’s worth it, in the end, to know what your body responds to, so take the time to explore yourself. You owe it to yourself and your coming partner.
3. Discover your desires.
What are you into? Do you really know? What makes your body crave for more? After defining sexuality and exploring your body naturally, your desires may change or they may begin to surface. It’s okay if you begin to find certain things sexy that others don’t. As long as they don’t harm yourself or anyone else, it’s healthy to feel what you feel. Every person will have different fantasies or sexual needs.
Focus on what you would like to do with your lover from start to finish in your journal. Yes, you have to use your imagination, but sex truly does begin in the mind. Fantasizing about sex can arouse your senses and give you an example of how you would put it down in the bedroom when it is time. Your writing doesn’t have to be novel-worthy. Make it clear for you to understand and talk in the sexual language you feel comfortable with, whether using euphemisms for body parts or clinical terms. Take some alone time and use writing as a way to paint a picture of your desires and as a way to express your sexuality while you wait for the one.
4. Own your sexy.
Being sexy is more than having a certain body type or amazing skills in bed. It’s all about being confident in who you are and being unafraid to be authentic. What makes you sexy? How do you define sexy as it pertains to your personality? Being confident in yourself also means being comfortable with your sexuality.
What scents make you feel seductive? What songs make you feel like you’re irresistible? Define what sexy means to you, take care of your body and spirit and own who you are. The more you own your authentic sexy, the more appealing you will be to other single hopefuls looking to be matched with their Mr. or Mrs. Right.
5. Become comfortable with talking about sex.
One day you will have a partner to share all of your sexual fantasies and desires with, but while you’re in waiting for the one that will make you feel the safest in the bedroom, it’s time to become comfortable with speaking about sex. No more covering your eyes during sex scenes. No more being shy about sharing your thoughts about sex with friends no matter how inexperienced you may be.
Jump into conversations and ask questions about things that you don’t know. Take mental notes when friends are speaking and research what you’ve heard. Talking about sex helps you become comfortable with the subject. Seeking out education about what you’ve learned from conversations helps you become prepared for that special day.
While you wait, make a commitment to be as sexually healthy as you can be by following these tips. Remember, a healthy sex life takes work over time.
A version of this article originally appeared here on black doctor.org