Article By Charlotte Forrester
~ October 2021 ~ Despite its foodie-sounding name, ‘icing’ is not a trend of introducing baking into the bedroom. Instead, this new dating term is what has been leading to plenty of broken hearts on the dating scene right now.
You might have been a victim of icing yourself and not have realised this is a common thing that happens to plenty of us. So what is icing?
Icing is when someone puts a romantic possibility ‘on ice’. This often means coming up with an excuse to pause the relationship, frequently resulting in people having their love lives take up residency in limbo-land. This lack of clarity on where a relationship is and where it’s going can cause a lot of distress.
It’s also tough because these made-up reasons could be completely believable. If a potential boo tells you they’re going to have to put things on hold as “work’s so busy at the moment” so they’ll have to wait until their schedule is a little bit freer, it’s difficult to know if this is a genuine explanation – or whether they’re actually trying to duck out without having an honest conversation.
Alex firstly explained the deep impact icing can have on whoever it happens to.
“Icing is about someone showing interest, but not committing to anything,” he said. “They don’t close you off altogether, but merely ‘put you on ice’ with intermittent contact which is so non-specific it keeps the whole relationship non-committal. As the recipient, you don’t know where you stand in this relationship, with no plans, or if you do have plans they cancel them at the last minute, which can be emotionally demoralising.”
As heart-breaking as this process can be, Alex still urges to question the motivations behind it.
“But something to consider is: why?” he explained. “They haven’t ghosted you completely, so maybe there is some interest in having a relationship with you. Could they be holding back? Maybe the person doing the icing is cautious about starting a serious relationship, perhaps due to inexperience or because they’ve been badly hurt in the past, or are they someone who is controlling and enjoys manipulating people?”
Have you been a victim of icing? Maybe the cool down is worth it… or maybe you should let your heart thaw out.