Faking Orgasms Can Hurt Your Sex Life — Here’s How to Coach Your Partner to Stimulate You Better
~ July, 2021 ~
Lovehoney, a British sex toy company, surveyed 2,000 US adults to find out if they had ever faked an orgasm, if they can detect a fake orgasm, and if a partner making noise during sex influences their overall sexual satisfaction.
The survey included a quiz to test people’s real orgasm detection skills by providing three prerecorded orgasm noises, one real, one fake, and one porn-style orgasm (which you can quiz yourself on here).
The results found only 35% of adults surveyed were able to pick out the real orgasm.
Sexuality psychologist Dr. Laurie Mintz told Lovehoney why people fake orgasms and how to talk to broach the issue with a partner to make sex more satisfying.
People fake orgasms to finish sex quicker, to please their partner, and because they were tired, survey data suggests
The study findings suggest 60% of adults in the US have faked an orgasm. A majority of the people surveyed said they faked an orgasm to get sex over with, to make their partner happy, because they were tired, or because they thought it’s expected for them to orgasm in bed.
While the study suggests faking an orgasm is common, the study also found people are willing to admit to faking an orgasm under the right circumstances. About 30% of people surveyed who had faked an orgasm said they would tell a long-term partner, 29% said they would tell a spouse, and 25% said they would tell a one-night stand.
You should talk to your partner about what you want instead of faking an orgasm
Mintz, a professor at the University of Florida, told Lovehoney people should never fake orgasms with their partners if they are in a safe and consensual situation.
While you might be trying to spare their feelings, faking it could inadvertently hurt your sex life.
“For women especially, faking teaches a partner to do precisely what doesn’t work for you,” Mintz said. “Being honest about what one needs or wants in the bedroom – before, during, and even after a sexual encounter – is what is going to result in orgasm and sexual satisfaction.”
Mintz suggests an “out of bedroom conversation” to discuss different ways the two of you can experiment.
Developing communication in the bedroom and incorporating words like “faster,” “slower,” “harder,” or “softer” can help you tell your partner what feels good, Mintz said. Watching each other masturbate can also show you both what the other likes and how they like to be touched.
If you don’t feel comfortable admitting you’ve faked it, you can suggest ways to make sex more pleasurable for you
If you don’t feel comfortable telling your sexual partner you’ve been faking it, you can find a way to suggest new sex toys or techniques.
Mintz told Lovehoney she had a client who had been faking an orgasm with her partner for 30 years and couldn’t bear to tell them.
“I suggested she say something along the lines of, ‘I really love you and I love our sex life. I’ve been reading about how for most women, clitoral stimulation (for example with a vibrator) before, during, or even after intercourse, enhances orgasm. I’d like to experiment with this. Are you open to that?'”