Article By Thomas Dane
~ NOVEMBER 2021~ Sex is important. There really is no debate about this. If you’re in a relationship with someone you don’t have sex with, then they’re just a friend.
It’s not the most important issue in an intimate relationship, but it’s up there. You have to have sex.
Sex is about connection. And it feels good. And it’s sort of one of the perks about being in love or lust.
Redditor remco812 wanted to talk about sex baby, by asking:
“How important is sex for you in a relationship?”
My last relationship broke down after our sex abated. Every few months is def a sign something is off.
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“Best metaphor I heard was that sex in a relationship is like plumbing. It’s not the reason you buy a house, but if it’s broke, you need to work on it right away.” ~ MonkeyCube
Months go by…
“It honestly destroyed my last relationship, we lived together and only had sex once ever 2-3 months, we started to bicker at one another, i started to resent her and feel self conscious about myself and we ultimately broke up not soon after. Sucks because i deeply loved that girl, but the lack of physical intimacy made her feel like a roommate after a while.” ~ hoodie-weather
things to overcome…
“A large difference in libido can be a hard thing for a relationship to overcome.” ~ Ishamoridin
“This! Healthy communication is your best friend here. My wife has always had a sex drive much much higher than mine. In our younger years it wasn’t a problem. As we’ve gotten older, my mind is always willing but sometimes the body just won’t play ball. I assure her it’s not her.”
“I still find her to be the most beautiful woman on the planet and my desire for her hasn’t lessened. On the days my body doesn’t wanna play we break out some helpful aids. At the end of the day it’s up to you and your partner to figure these things out and come up with solutions that work best for you both.” ~ rwubmc
All the time…
“It’s not that sex is important, it’s that having the same sex drive is. If both want to have sex all the time, that’s great. If neither want to have sex much at all, that’s great. If one wants to have a lot of sex but the other doesn’t, that’s gonna cause problems. It doesn’t ALWAYS cause problems, but a vast majority of the time it will.” ~ Srgt_PEANUT
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“To me sex in a relationship is like food. Can’t live without it. Can’t have too much of it. Can cook for myself but not all the time. Can live with not-so-good ones but I’d appreciate it if it’s good.” ~ lan0028456
Food and sex, both necessary. It’s good we’re talking about sex. It’s something too many people are too shy to discuss. The more you know…
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“Very important. It doesn’t have to be constant, and it doesn’t have to be amazing, but the connection has to be there. I couldn’t deal with a Dead Bedroom.” ~ user deleted
“I’m in a relationship where I (28f) have a higher drive than my boyfriend (28m), and he’s pretty good at making sure I know it’s not me its just that he’s tired sometimes, and most of the time he’ll help me scratch my itch or he’ll straight up be like “I’m pretty tired but you can hop on!'”
“Lmao communication is the biggest factor in a healthy sex life. Sometimes I’m satisfied just from cuddling up together even though we’re not huge regular cuddlers because it’s not always the O that I’m looking for, it’s the intimacy and affection.” ~ klr8593
“It’s pretty important, but our schedule and appetite for it changes frequently. Sometimes we are all over each sometimes we aren’t, after several years together we’ve come to realize it’s a changing variable and to not get too bent out of shape if we’re on a downswing. Communication about sex is probably the most important part actually.” ~ littlelightshow
“It depends on the relationship. I was married to my wife for 20 years. After 18 she got sick. So for the last two years of her life she was unable to have sex and I was perfectly fine with that. I was more worried about trying to get her healthy. If she had lived for another 10 years and was unable to have sex I wouldn’t of cared one bit. She was more important to me than that. The companionship and love we shared overpowered anything else.” ~ StraightSho
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“Sex is important, but desire is so much more so.”
“I’ve been in a relationship where sex happened only “to do me a favor,” “because I needed it,” while “she didn’t have a desire to do so.” I’d much rather have sex once every three months with someone who desires me, who wants me, who wants to be close to me rather than sex every day with someone who does it do me a favor.” ~ letthisbeanewstart
If you’re in a sexless relationship… it’s time to chat with your partner. There is enough here to understand the groundwork. Good luck.