How to Know When Your Partner Is Cheating

Though some people are sucker punched by the news of an affair, many others may suspect adultery because their husband is acting sketchy. The following signs are not all-inclusive — and many outright contradict each other. Remember that short of direct confirmation, there is no definitive list that can prove without a doubt that your partner is cheating.

1) Change in appearance or style
Some people just want to make a life change and try new hair or fashion styles or want to get healthy. However, sometimes, your partner might be improving their overall attractiveness to appeal to someone else.

2) Change in work habits or hobbies
Is your husband’s work demanding he work extra hours all of a sudden? Did he pick up a new hobby or passion project that takes him away from the house for several hours a day? If you show interest in their new hobby or want to surprise him at work, does he brush you off or only vaguely answer your questions?

“He always seemed to be working on projects with the same person, and they always happened to be after hours,” Anna Wallace told Mom.com about her ex-husband’s suspicious behavior. “There was also the time that he was constantly with his co-worker’s wife while they were separated.”

3) Change in your sex life
Of course, it is completely normal for there to be ebbs and flows in your sex life — especially after children. However, if there is a vast difference in intimacy in your relationship, you contract a sexually transmitted infection, your bedroom is dead, or your partner suddenly initiates new things in your sex life, your husband may be cheating.

4) Change in how they use technology
If your partner is constantly texting or slipping away to take calls in private, has changed their passwords (especially to financial accounts) and won’t tell you the new one, won’t let you check their social media accounts (or direct messages), or is suddenly unreachable at particular times, pay attention.

Mental health therapist Jermaine Shorter said a change in behavior specific to electronic devices can also be an indicator of emotional infidelity. “More time, secret activity, or new subscriptions to weirdly named apps and websites on cellphones, tablets, and laptops could indicate some activity that is damaging to the relationship,” Shorter told Mom.com.

5) Odd financial transactions
Look for purchases of gifts that you have never received, hotel rooms, flowers, meals — even dating sites — on your credit and debit card statements. Whether it’s contempt, hubris, stupidity, indifference, or your spouse wants to get caught — it happens more than you think.

“One of the biggest indicators of infidelity is a sudden change in spending habits. Cheating costs money,” said Shorter. “Somebody has to pay for the shared meals, small gifts, and the room to have the sex.”

6) Deflect questions and project their issues onto you
Sometimes, the cheater will try to pick fights or pin things on you in an effort to take the spotlight off of them and their actions. They may accuse you of being jealous or crazy and tell you you’re imagining things or gaslight you. They may also give evasive answers to direct questions.

7) Your friends and family tell you they’re suspicious
Maybe you are clueless — but your coworkers, friends, or family might not be. If someone in your circle says something, don’t just dismiss them or get mad. They might not be in denial.

8) Your gut
If you constantly have that niggling feeling in the back of your mind that something is wrong, maybe there is. It never hurts to check into things and see if maybe there really is something to worry about.

While the specifics of emotional cheating may differ, in general, it happens when the intimacy — in the nonphysical sense — with another person interferes with the emotional or physical commitment or devotion to a spouse.

9) They turn to someone else for emotional support and intimacy
In general, your spouse is the first person they share their joys and sorrows with — but if they start substituting someone else in that role, that’s a red flag.

“He was the person she called when she fought with her boyfriend, when something went wrong at her house — he wasn’t that handy so it was odd that she’d call him,” said Wallace, a working mom of three. “Ultimately, when she called off her wedding, he went to console her.”

10) They prioritize the other person
Emotional cheating often looks like a really good friendship — but it leads to the cheater choosing to prioritize the other person and their well-being instead of their partner. If your husband cares more about hurting the other person than you — it’s likely an emotional affair.