“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
That quote from The Perks of Being A Wallflower resonates with many (especially when it was delivered by Paul Rudd in the movie adaptation). A crucial aspect of adulthood is learning what makes a fulfilling relationship, and it takes a lot of trial and error.
A Reddit thread asked women, “Have you had an ‘I deserve better’ moment in a relationship? What was it?” It’s an enlightening trip through the Bad Boyfriend Hall of Shame.
1. From Ranga_Unchained:
It was this past Christmas and I’d put hours of thought and effort into his gifts, couldn’t wait to see his face light up (which it did). He gave me what looked like a free coffee mug and it was like a smack in the face how little he cared about me. It wasn’t the $ or gift per se, it was what it represented. He was utterly indifferent to my feelings. The last straw of many straws that broke this camels back.
2. From AprilDink:
Coming out of hospital for surgery and finding out instead of coming to help look after me as he promised (I was unable to walk on my own) he was out drinking with friends 🙂
3. From lavender-pears:
When he yelled at me for spilling water on his laptop, after I already profusely apologized and said I would buy him a new one if it were broken (it wasn’t broken).
Or when he didn’t respond to my questions (I’m talking really basic shit like “what do you want for breakfast?) and instead played on his phone and ignored me.
Or when he didn’t stand up for me to my parents.
Or when I had to be the one to initiate every serious conversation.
Or when I tried to take him somewhere for fun and he spent the entire time complaining about how hot it was.
It took all that and more before I was just emotionally exhausted and tired of feeling like I was his mom and not his romantic partner.
4. From tangerine_robot:
When my ex kicked me out of our flat because I was having a panic attack and he didn’t know what to do. He physically grabbed me and threw me out, then threw a coat at me and then my handbag. I was sobbing the entire time. It was like something out of a dark comedy sitcom.
5. From 1deboo:
When I asked him to buy me some tampons. I asked him where he put it and he said “in the cabinet” so I looked through all the cabinets in my apartment and stupid me realized that there’s no tampons. I asked him if I was looking for nothing and he sent me a smiley face with a halo on top. I was done completely. That night I went to bed early, peacefully.
6. From Quizas-Quizas-Quizas:
I realized I deserved better when he didn’t stand up for me while his family made racist jokes at the dinner table; and didn’t bother to check on me after I left the table in tears.
7. From poutine-destroyer:
When he told me he doesn’t like talking to me, I wasn’t his friend, just his girlfriend.
8. From FedahpWithThisWurld:
When I got screenshots showing my then boyfriend had cheated on me for the 3rd time that week. Called him, told him to drop of my things and that we were never to see each other again. I was so naive back then!
9. From sophiepatience:
He rarely asked me ‘how are you?’ Something so small can make such a difference to someone’s day. I would have to ask him to do it…and he never would. I can’t remember the last time he asked me it.
10. From QueenofSavages:
When he pushed me to go to therapy because there was so much wrong with me, according to him. The therapist told me he was emotionally abusing me.
11. From Daseyroes:
Had a fever of 104 (doctors suspected early stage Lyme’s disease) and he went out partying and didn’t come home til 3 am. I was delirious and in no state to drive myself to the hospital and I still had to wait for him to sober up and sleep it off.
12. From ComfortableDuet0920:
When I got home after a 3 days trip, and found my apartment, where I lived with my unemployed boyfriend and his elderly father, covered in dog sh*t and piss, dirty laundry everywhere, a stack of dishes overflowing from the sink, because he refused to do any of the cleaning.
13. From kaydewd:
When I was working full time during the pandemic and my unemployed ex couldn’t even be bothered to play his video games quietly so I could sleep. I wound up crying myself to sleep.
14. From dontlookatme-123
When my ex told me I just needed to figure out what my limit was when he wouldn’t acknowledge how weird it was that he lived with his ex.
15. From pitaudrama:
He had said he couldn’t visit me for the holiday because he was going to visit some out of state guy friends. He visited his out of state ex girlfriend instead and also brought her home to spend the week with him.
16. From mdnla:
I called him after my graduation and asked him where he was…. He was home. He had forgotten even though that was the only thing I talked about for months.
17. From missnatashiab:
When I was given a promise ring after three years but I couldn’t wear it around his family.