Article By May Wilckerson
~ September 2021 ~ Even the healthiest married couples usually have secrets they’ll never tell each other. Whether it’s to protect the marriage, spare each other’s feelings, or preserve their own pride, married people keeping secrets from each other is a tradition as old as time. And sometimes these secrets start as early as day one of marriage: on the wedding day.
In a popular Reddit thread, someone asked married people: “Did anything happen on your wedding day that you will never tell your spouse about?”
These 19 married people share the wild and salacious wedding day secrets that they’re keeping from their husband or wife:
1.) From felicious323:
I cried in my dad’s arms seconds before walking down the aisle because I knew I was making a mistake but felt I could not back out.
2.) From PoopNoodle:
My best man told me i was making a giant mistake, everyone knew it but me, and that he would take me to the airport right then and save me if i would go with him.
3.) From chestypocket:
My husband’s grandmother made his groom’s cake herself. It was her special carrot cake recipe – made just the way he likes it, and was decorated beautifully with fondant cutouts and a music theme. I think it was easily the highlight of the day for him, and we even have a framed photo of the cake displayed with our wedding photos. Shortly after the wedding, she was unexpectedly diagnosed with a terminal illness and passed away a few months later. It was one of the last things she was able to do for him, and the last thing she was able to cook for him. Her cooking was a very big part of his life, and as he is now a chef, he aspires to live up to her legacy.
So he’ll never know that she forgot to add one of the important ingredients (baking powder?) when she made the cake. His cousin missed part of our wedding re-making the cake in a panic so that neither he, nor Grandma, knew it wasn’t hers.
4.) From Chuck_Connors:
Walked in on a bridesmaid changing.
5.) From jellyman81:
My wife insisted that we invite my ex because she was the one that had introduced us (she’s also friends with my ex). About a half hour before the ceremony my ex wants to talk to me and pulls me into a back room. She then proceeds to fumble with my zipper and says “one last bj for old times sake”. I got out of there right away. The rest of the day I made sure I was never alone for a second, my ex was hovering around as if she was just waiting for a chance to pounce.
6.) From stuperdude:
I almost threw up right in her face while saying my vows.
7.) From tkh0812:
Her uncle got into a fist fight with her dad… Everyone promised not to tell her
8.) From Elizabethan3:
The person who married us had a booger in her nose. It’s all I could focus on and my husband doesn’t need to know that.
9.) From PM_YOUR_ANKLES_MLADY:
I was completely terrified of saying the wrong name. It’s been a fear ever since I saw the “I take thee, Rachel” episode of Friends.
10.) From [deleted]:
There I stood at the front of the church, preacher and best man with me, as the bride and her father began the long walk up the aisle to beautiful organ music.
My best man began singing, just loud enough for me to hear:
He rode a blazing saddle
He wore a shining star
His job to offer battle
To bad men near and far
The theme song to Blazing Saddles.
Everyone at the reception commented on the big smile I had on my face as my bride approached the altar.
11.) From howsthatwork:
I was wearing Spanx under my wedding dress. This wasn’t a horrific secret, but when we finally made it back to our room for The Super Awesome Amazing Wedding Night Sex (not like we’d never had sex, but we promised each other wedding night sex no matter what) I went into the bathroom and peeled them off and was greeted with a smell like a rancid sweat sock thrown down an open sewer. Now, I am a lady with perfectly good hygiene, but it turns out that when you wear extremely tight nonbreathable spandex underpants from knee to armpit under an extremely heavy nonbreathable dress and then drink and dance and sweat like mad in them for a solid twelve hours, some horrific things happen.
I had to poke my head around the door and coyly say something stupid about how I wanted him to wait five minutes and then meet me in the shower. I ripped off the dress, jumped in, soaped up like mad, and he happily came in for some squeaky clean sex a few minutes later none the wiser about how his new wife smelled like a Skid Row dumpster.
12.) From HomemadeJambalaya:
My mom told me several times that day that I could not get married and it would be ok. It’s not that she didn’t want me to, she loved my fiance very much, she just wanted to make sure I knew that I wasn’t trapped just because my dad paid a few thousand for all this. We did get married, and are still happily married 8 years later, but I won’t tell my husband this. He’d be offended and think my mom tried to talk me out of it.
13.) From jalexgray4:
Wife’s good friend drunkenly told me that she was in love with me and that it should’ve been us getting married that day. A bit awkward to say the least.
14.) From [deleted]:
My mom and I stopped for Taco Bell before getting to the wedding. Ended up getting so nervous I puked up tacos into a trash can while in my dress. Everyone assumed I was pregnant.
15.) From whats_a_fundus:
My dad pulled me aside and said, “If you want out of this, there is an envelope with $1000 and keys to my car on top of the fridge.”
I didn’t take him up on the offer. I got divorced 3 years ago…
16.) From Katatronick:
My husband will never know that instead of writing my own vows, I just recited most of the lyrics to “Love is a Battlefield”
17.) From [deleted]:
Ha. I completely forgot my vows… and lost the original written ones. I was worrying about it and my best man gave me a shot of whisky saying; youll know what to say, no worries.
Anyway I nailed it… this was the result. Notice my wife reading and me not. I meant every single word…
18.) From randomlee_generated:
I don’t remember much past “I Do”. Was so drunk at my reception, my only recollection is the story I’ve put together in my head from photographs.
19.) From Fakezaga:
My wife told me “Your only job is to NOT forget the rings.”
I forgot the rings, but remembered them just as we got to the hall. I sent the best man back in a taxi. That’s what a best man is for.
A version of this article originally appeared here on someecards.com